Baby names

After months of trial and error, we are still cycling through baby names. We have learned one thing for certain, I have no idea how to name a child. I want to give our child a unique, but symbolic name like Mowgli (main character in the Jungle Book), Atreyu (from The Neverending Story), or Maverick (from Top Gun).

Now that these names have been discounted as ridiculous, I am focusing my efforts on more legitmate names. We have talked about family names, people we admire, best friends, and the meaning behind a name. For example, my name means strong and manly. With this in mind, I thought it would be a good idea to just name our child Strong Manly Konigsmark and cut out the middle man. Why choose names with meaning? When you can just give your child a meaningful name?

My newest choice for a name is Warrior. We would call him Awesome for short. I will have you know it is very popular with the teenage boys I work with.

My point: I went to high school with a girl who looked like Falcor (The white over-sized Dragon/ Dog from The Neverending Story).

Top 10 Things I'm Doing Wrong

Here are the Top 10 things I have done wrong at work in the past week:

10. I showed up 2 minutes late.
9. I've broken a couple glasses.
8. I don't know how to properly cut fruit.
7. I move too slow.
6. I didn't cut enough bread.
5. I locked myself out twice and had to run around to the front door.
4. I took a kid's plate before he was done eating.
3. I didn't put enough oil in the lamps.
2. I spilled water on someone's chair before they sat down.
1. I wasn't friendly enough.

These are just the things I know about.

My point: I'm only part-time, but I am full-time awful.

Y'all...Y'all...Y'all

Out of the corner of my ear I hear a woman at work saying, "I can't believe people like Bill Clinton use the word 'y'all.' Its grammatically incorrect. Its not even a word."

Naturally, I do nothing to provoke the situation. So I casually walk over, "How are y'all doing this evening?"

This really set her pants on fire. "Why do you say y'all all the time? Its so offensive. Its not even a word."

I reply, "Excuse me. Are you talking about the word y'all that is located in the Merriam-Websters Dictionary?"

She replied, "That doesn't make it right!!!"

My point: Ain't... ain't a word either, but its in the dictionary too.

Happy New Year's Eve

We have had a crazy year...

We got married...

We got pregnant...

We got unemployment checks...

My point: Here is to looking to bigger things.

Wham...

A couple years ago, I was driving around Boston looking for Fenway Park. Finally, I manned up and asked a local gas station for directions.

Me: "Excuse me, I am trying to find Fenway. Can you tell me how to get back to the highway?"

Clerk: "Yeah you wanna go down the street a bit and make a left on Whams."

Me: "Whams?"

Clerk: "Yeah, Whams. You can't miss it."

I hop back in the car, and tell my brother we need to make a left on Whams.

Brother: "Would that be Whams Ave or Street?"

Me: "Look, I asked the guy to repeat it and he told me Whams twice."

Needless to say we could not find Whams. So we were forced to stop at another gas station.

Me: "Excuse me, but I'm looking for Whams. I'm trying to get back on the Highway."

Clerk: "Whams. You want to go back down the road and make a right on Whams."

Me: "Whams? How exactly do you spell that?"

Clerk: "W-I-L-L-I-A-M-S."

Me: "Oh... Whams. I gotcha now."

My point: Boston was wicked good.

10 Ways NOT To Look Like A Tourist This Winter

Here are the top 10 ways to avoid looking like a tourist when you are skiing this winter:

10. Matching ski pants and jacket. (This says I bought all of my clothes at one time.)

9. Stupid multicolored hats. (Do you see professional snowboarders wearing these? The answer is no.)

8. Big hair and makeup. (Means you got up at 5 am to get "ready" to ski.)

7. One piece suits from the 80's. (Just avoid the one piece suits.)

6. 100 different used lift tickets hanging from your ski jacket. (You see this as a badge of honor. I see this as stupid.)

5. Anything with fur on it. (If you look like killed Chewbaca, you wasted your money.)

4. Sunglasses instead of goggles. (If you wear goggles to the beach, you can skip this tip.)

3. Wearing an Oakland Raiders jacket as your ski coat. (You could do worse by wearing a Florida Gators jacket.)

2.Blue jeans. (I've never seen people at the Rodeo wearing ski bibs.)

1. Camo. (Are you planning on shooting a deer off chair 9?)

My point: Don't bring attention to yourself.

Stressed Out

Its Sunday night, my blog is due in the morning, and I've got nothing. I don't know why I took on the task of trying to write a humorous blog five times a week. My ego said, "You have tons of funny stories... you're awesome!" My reality says, "Why would add one more thing to your plate?"

Which brings me to Tiger Woods (no transition). I have a hard enough time making the one woman in my life happy- aka "my wife." How in the world could he keep all of those women happy? Sure, he's a billionaire and I look forward to cashing in at the local Coinstar. He is an international celebrity, I'm not even famous at my own house. Sports Illustrated named him the Greatest Athlete of the Decade; I can't even afford a subscription anymore.

My point: Poverty + happiness = a life worth living.